i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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