I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
