I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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