My liver just broke up with me...
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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