This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
As shirtless as possible
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
