i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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