Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
