The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
