we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Randomize
