Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
