Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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