Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
