I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
