you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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