It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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