guys are not supposed to queef...right?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
