Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
