I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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