the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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