I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
