So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
