I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
