The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
