we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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