It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
