She just used a chaser for red wine.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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