Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
