I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
