but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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