I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
