Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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