Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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