I want to walk on stilts...naked
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
