Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
