I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No more Irish car bombs ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
