My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
