Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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