Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
