just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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