she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
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i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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