Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
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We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize