I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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