Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
