I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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