I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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