Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
