I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
