And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
