shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
