i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
