how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
