ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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