Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
