we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
