sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
