just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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