Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
