His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
