I want to have your abortion
her vagine was all disorganized.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
