I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
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