I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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